i thank thee

I love blogs. I especially love photography blogs. I have a few staples that I check an unhealthy amount of times in a week. I think it's the stories that attract me to these places and then seeing beautiful images of people that I most likely will never met in my life but the emotions, the love, and the stories on those pages are so real.
Usually the authors will leave links to other photographers, musicians, non-profits, or just really cool people on their posts. One of these stumbled upon links led to me to Alyssa Joy's blog - http://blog.alyssajoy.me (she's married to Jefferson Bethke, the genius poet and youtube preacher of truth). Alyssa once mentioned the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Lady friends, go to a bookstore tomorrow and purchase this book and/or devotional. I decided to give the book and devotional a try. Alyssa raved about it and I'm all about trying new things. What I didn't expect was that God would use these books for an immense amount of healing and walk me through a season of my life with them.

Ann's life is like your's and mine; full of hurt, darkness, and lament. But she has a hunger to live her one life well, with joy. She is transparent with her emotions and speaks from the depths of her hurt. Her life is an example of thankfulness. She invites her readers to wake up to God's everyday blessings, to intentionally embrace a lifestyle of radical gratitude and slow down and catch God in the moment.

Here is possibly a new word for you, but one of deep joy and healing for Ann: eucharisteo. It means thanksgiving. Not the once a year turkey feast or a polite manner to follow. Eucharisteo is the deep thankfulness that brings about a joy only Jesus can give. Grace. Gratitude. Joy = eucharisteo. It's my new favorite word. Ann wrote this in her book:

      "This fallen world never stops dis-membering who we are. We're all breaking a bit more every day, even in small ways. And there even as we ache, is the gentle whisper of God. With the quiet urging to give thanks anyways, to do this in re-memberance of him. But why in the world should we give thanks? Because when we remember how He blesses, loves us, when we recollect His goodness to us, we heal - we re-member. We are giving thanks to Him, who let Himself be broken to make us whole.
In remembering to give thanks, our broken places are re-membered - made whole.
Giving thanks is only this: making the canyon of pain into a megaphone to proclaim the ultimate goodness of God.
Our thanks to God is our witness to the goodness of God when Satan and all the world would sneer at us to recant."

and this truth was laid on my heart and told to my ears this week:

"That which I refuse to thank Christ for, I refuse to believe Christ can redeem. His perfect love casts out all fears and leaves only thanks."

Fear is the worst. I have had my fair share of fear this past year. I began to live in it and it wrecked havoc on my heart and mind. But God redeems. He heals. He never leaves. I have walked through darkness and witnessed what life without grace, gratitude, and joy looks like. My friends it's not pretty. Then God placed me at Youthfront Camp West this summer with 50 brothers and sisters and 35+ high schoolers each week for 10 weeks. He showed me my worth through them. He showed me his joy through them. He knocked down 12 inch think walls built around my heart. I allowed Him to begin to heal me. I learned how to become thankful for my hurt because there was no way that I would deny his redemption. I needed it. I yearned for it. Not only can the Lord redeem, but He will redeem. No if's, and's, or but's about it. That's how stinkin' sweet our Father is.

Ann challenges you to write a list of 1000 blessings, 1000 ways in which God is telling you "I love you." I'm currently on 323 - "the joy on my gphi sisters' faces when I walk into the house."  What would be on your list?


On the night before Christ's death, he gave thanks. He broke bread with his friends and gave thanks. He didn't try to complete his bucket list or hid from the trial he knew was ahead. He spent his time in thanks. Thanks to his father for the life (and every thing that included) that he was given, the purpose he was asked to fulfill, and for the filling of his cup by the Creator of all.

Grace. Gratitude. Joy. Eucharisteo


my dearest friends I leave with you this truth written by Ann, but told to her by our heavenly Father -

You will never be alone or need to be afraid..."for in HIS GRACE there is life... (Psalm 30:5)"

drumroll please...

So as most of you know I announced that my graduate school decision would be made last Friday. After a week of prayers and a 3-mile run conversation with my dear roomie Kayli, I decided......

for the next two years I will be continuing my career as a Wichita State Shocker! Whoot Whoot! and with our super awesome stupendous run in the NCAA basketball tournament, my wardrobe has drastically added more yellow and black tshirts so it's probably a good thing I decided to stay :) p.s. all of you should be watching the Final Four game on Saturday at 5pm and rooting for those Shocker men...yes yes you should...you won't be disappointed.

Basketball talk aside, here's the real reason why I decided to stay. For one the WSU program is nationally ranked as #35. That's super sweet knowing that I will be getting a top-notch education with professors who have made giant impacts in the Speech-Pathology field. Another reason is those professors. They are great. Seriously they want each of their students to be challenged inorder to think outside of common boundries and succeed as well-rounded SLP. Third, the perks. One professor takes a group students every spring to Haiti to serve in clinics and orphanages...SIGN ME UP! I can also go anywhere in the the country for my externship (last semester practicum experience). So even though I didn't chose Northern Colorado, I could still go to Denver or San Fran or Portland or NYC for a few months for WSU tutition...AWESOME!

Besides the program, God lead my heart to Wichita, not because it was the easiest choice (cause it's not), but because I can honor him anywhere I go. This was the tough choice. Staying. It's a grueling program with minimul free time. I don't have a safe bubble because a lot of my close friends are moving, getting married, or entering the big kid workforce world. My community will be reshaped and that terrifies me. But this past school year has been a revealing of my fears. Fears that which are not from my heavenly father. I chose the hard path because I don't want to be fearful of this. No more hiding behind others or pushing my fears and issues to the back of my heart and letting them fester into a giant fear monster. Jesus says "Fear not for I am with you." When ever an angel of the Lord appeared in the Bible, he would always begin with "Do not be afraid for I have been sent by God."

People often associate fear with leaving and going. Going to a new school, moving to a different state, starting a new job. Nope not this girl. I fear of staying; of being stagnet and stuck in a place for a long length of time. Fear of being by myself. But with Jesus, I will never be alone or stuck or sitting on the ground.

So therefore I chose Wichita State. The fear monster will be faught against. As Kayli and my mother told me..."It's time to put the big girl panties on."

thanks for the love friends. you guys are the best.

opening envelopes

I've been opening some pretty big envelopes lately. Not big as in super fat UPS envelopes, but big as in the contents hold the path of my future. I applied to graduate school, 4 schools in fact, to hopefully one day hold a big girl job as a Speech-Language Pathologist. It's terrifing to mail 4 pieces of paper to an admission board who only has those 4 sheets to gain a perspective on who I am and judge whether I would be a good fit in their program.

Thankfully and God-willing, I was deemed as a good fit for 3 out of the 4 schools. YAY super exciting and honoring right....yes but also a indecisive person's worst nightmare...aka me. I received two letters with in 48 hours of eachother a week ago and the other just came tonight.

As I look at these three letters I am unbelievable thankful for Jesus and his awesome ability to surprise me. I had only hoped to get accepted at one school. I just needed one. He gave me three. He is good. Now how to decern where He desires me to go the next two years; 4 semesters and 1 summer.

I have always had a knack for going. I never contemplated whether I should go to Haiti; I told my parents I'm paying. Brittany asked me about Ireland, I looked at my savings account and said lets go. Kayli asked if I wanted to road trip to Virginia last spring break, I said lets take my car. I like to go, sometimes too often and too quickly. I think for this decision God is showing me what staying will look like. Staying for family, staying for community, staying for opportunities.

I decided I am going to make my official decision this Friday. I pray that God will reveal to me in big ways where He wants me these next two years; this next chapter of life. If you could pray along with me, I would love you even more than I already do :)

SNOW

Guys guess what?! It's SNOWING...not just a little flurry here and there...but like the real big fluffy flakes that you can catch on your tongue or on a rare occasion snort up your nose (this happened this morning on my way to class). The weatherman predicts snow all day today and tomorrow. Finally after waiting for so long, Kansas gets its real winter snow fall. Thankfully, classes are cancelled and work is closing early so my roommates and I are underneath warm covers in sweatpants, listening to slow tunes, and looking at the glory outside of our window. Why aren't we channeling our inner child and frolicking in the flakes you might ask? One word - Seniors, which equals tests, article reviews, and acoustic phonetics powerpoints. But no worries dear friends, just having an afternoon off is a huge gift itself.

Now for other recent news, all of the graduate school applications are submitted and off for review. The date of notification is March 15th. That will be the day that my future is determined. Ok so maybe not quite life or death, but to not know where I will be living or studying in a mere 6 months is pretty daunting. Until then in the summer months I will be at YOUTHFRONT CAMP WEST!!!! I am so grateful for the opportunity to serve Youthfront again. I will be the assistant teenstaff supervisor with my super great friend Nathan. It's going to be hard work but mostly STINKIN' AWESOME GOD-GLORIFYING GOODNESS. I love camp. period.

Before camp and graduation, Kayli, Dusty, and I, along with a few other companions, will be adding to our list of adventures together by running another half marathon in Wichita, on May 5th. Seeing how I dispised training last summer for our first one, I have no idea why I signed up for this one. I blame peer pressure. Truth is that race day is an absolute blast and that feeling of accomplishment for running 13.1 straight miles is like no other. On the other hand, finding the lengthy chunks of time to train is dreadful. Who wants to spend 2.5 hours running for 10.5 miles? Not my ideal idea of fun. But one must trudge through the aweful in order to reach the good.

Wisdom for the week-
The life that is pleasing to God is not a series of religious duties. We have only one thing to do, namely, to experience a life of relationship and intimacy with God, "the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change" (James 1:17)

love, Heidi

home sweet home

so many flakes!

winter

So I went to Ireland for 10 days in December. Yep two countries in 6 months...it's still hard for me to believe it. God gifted my life with really amazing friends, some of which I've known since kindergarden. One, Katie, is not only super gorgeous (I've always envied her flowing locks) but has a heart for adventure and design. She goes to school for nursing and applied for a study abroad program...she was accepted and last August flew to Belfast, Ireland to study at Queen's University. (At the end of January, she will be going to Hungary for 6 months) Another, Brittany, has the most determination and spunk out of all of us. She likes to travel too. Brittany + Heidi + plane tickets = visit Katie in Ireland! So before I even left for Haiti last summer, Brittany and I used a portion of our savings and booked our Ireland trip. Fast forward through a whole semester of everything including the kitchen sink and we are flying over NYC and the ocean. We stayed with Katie in her flat on campus and she taught us the ways of the locals. And yes in case you were wondering it really is as wet and green as people say it is. I def did not pack enough warm socks. So to explain ten days of adventure in a few minutes I created a list of everything we saw, experienced, tasted, photographed, or purchased in the lovely country of Ireland.

1. toured Queen's University (Looks like a castle)
2. ate an Irish traditional breakfast called a "Full Fry" including soda, potatoe, and wheat bread, sausage, pancakes, egg, and a half a tomatoe
3. rode on a double decker bus
4. drank bailey's hot chocolate
5. ate a real german brautwurst
6. went on a pub crawl
7. toured Dublin for a day (even got lost...not fun)
8. saw how Guinness is created and tasted the dark foamy beverage (I gave my pint to Katie)
9. really enjoyed Irish cider
10. saw Dublin Castle
11. was amazed by St.Patrick's Cathedral
12. ate traditional fish and chips (aka french fries)
13. rode in a european car on the european rodes following european road rules
14. saw the sea and countryside on top of a giant hill next to a castle tower
15. ate in a refurbished post office in a little local town (best food ever!!)
16. experieneced european shopping at it's best
17. got my nose pierced
18. went to the cinema
19. became friends with a few super great locals
20. saw where the Titanic was built
21. went through the Titanic museum
22. saw a real life norwahl horn
23. took lots of pictures of moss
24. experienced my first IKEA store (it's MASSIVE)
25. learned that cheers means thank you
26. became accustomed to using 1 pound coins instead of dollar bills
27. learned that dorthy, toto, and prarie roads really are the top things international people associate Kansas with. They really like to say Kansas in an elongated country accent
28. learned that the red-hair gene was created by the vikings mating with the local Irish when they came over on ships and invaded the country.
29. there are lots of weird titled food like sweet chili lama crackers or shrimp flavored potatoe chips

I think that about sums it up. If you ever have the opportunity, please go to Ireland. I only saw the northern part and would love to go back some day. Just make sure to pack an umbrella.

Commence the photos:

 

Flight one of three

welcome to Belfast

to my sorority sisters

city hall

museum

Rose's dress from the movie

see funny named food

fish and chips and smashed peas

the pub crawl

the dark beer + Dublin

museum #2

Ireland

St. Patricks Cathedral

the tower

the moss

Haiti Part 2

Bonswa! (good afternoon) 7 days later and I still find myself wanting to use my favorite creole phrases. If only WSU offered a class in crole in the fall, I would drop my core classes in a heart beat ;)

I have concluded that Haiti will forever be a part of my heart and thinking. I think that's how missions are intended to work. They challenge your strength, your thinking, and your thoughts of the world, turn them topsy-turving, and then leave you to process the conclusions, with God waiting with great anticipation to reveal truths to you. One huge teaching apparent in Haiti is the importance of flexability. You can't predict that everyday will be the same...that would be very dangerous. Monday we painted a home, but we were planned to venture into a village. Tuesday we planned on doing a work project, yet once 1 p.m. rolled around, we were being loaded up into a canter (open safari-looking truck) to go to Levec, a village where a deaf community is located, to cheer on a soccer game. You just have to go with it. Because both of those days, at the end, our hearts were filled with so much joy. And flexability is also willing to laugh when you fly in a pile of mud on the floor when your canter abruptly gets stuck in a trench going uphill on a extremely steep incline. Yep this happened to me. I have yet to still achieve the shiny brightness in my white shirt after two washings. But that's ok, because everytime I see that shirt I immediatly chuckle as I remember the entire truck cheering on the driver and praying to Jesus that he would get us up that hill and then once achieving the daunting task, we watched a school bus do the samething behind us....those stubborn Haitian drivers.

I don't know if I will ever be called back to Haiti, but I do pray that God will call me to other countries; to continue to see the world and how my brothers and sisters throughout worship, live, play, eat, and perceive the world.

Lesson #2: be intential with all. Everyone needs love and to be told they are loved. I had women in Haiti demand I give them my waterbottle or watch, but instead I asked what I could pray for them about. We don't need things, like a fancy watch; we need love and faith.

now feast your eyes on more of Haiti :)

the village kiddos

this is the giant wall we painted

beautiful

this is the soccer goal

mud soccer

all smiles

water break

this is winny. she was my best friend for the week

Snorkeling in the ocean!!

my team

precious

beach!

you only see a small part of the mud...

Jimmy the boy who fancied all the girls

vbs kiddos


love you friends. - Heidi

Haiti Part 1

Bonswa friends! (that's good evening in creole)

I am back in the states after 7 days in Haiti. Man did Jesus touch my heart there. The country is very broken and dirty, yet the people have more faith and passion for Jesus than I have ever seen. His goodness is what stood out to me every day I was there. Despite living in a blue plastic tent, with no clean water, and a few changes of clothes, the children of Haiti run around excitedly with smiles and chants. They love to look at pictures on digital cameras, make noise with watch buttons, and play thumb wrestling wars with the people who come to visit them. God's goodness is every where. It's in the little girl who fell asleep on a friend's shoulder during an afternoon rain. It's in the little boy who threw mud up and tried to make it splatter on his chest, laughing hysterically. It's in the mothers who hope for their daughters' success in life. It's in the translator's passion for his country and people and hopes for one day God leading him to better the place he calls home.

That was lesson #1...God is good. He protects his children and gives hope and light in areas of black. He never leaves his people.

I'm going to break up my Haiti story in two parts...I know you guys are sitting on the edge of your seats for more details ;) but I will end with pictures of a country only under 6 hours away via plane from Kansas, and the people that I loved on and in return loved on me.

Port-au-Prince

Market on the side of the road

a tent city

Church service...so good

precious baby with Trish

this little ball of energy is Jackie

Jackie's Momma

best part of the day



see the beauty in the world friends. love you all